A Perfect Marriage

When I walked in to the marriage seminar "Modern Family" hosted by Calvary Chapel Puerto Rico, taught by Pastor Dan Crespo, I had one question on my mind: Is it possible to have a perfect marriage? After almost five hours of note taking, what I learn was absolutely mind blowing.

The example that most of us have had tells us that the answer to this question is no. It seems like most of our generation's parents divorced (including mine) or never even got married in the first place; a good majority of us Millennials came from a single parent background. As I talk to my friends and listen to their thoughts and opinions, I have found that a lot of them do not believe in marriage and see no point in saying "I do" to legally and financially bind themselves to another person forever.

But, there is so much more to marriage than money and paperwork. There is something so gratifying and comforting in knowing that there is a person who will love and support you unconditionally. Marriage is about finding a partner who will trudge through difficult situations by your side, and who will also be there with you creating the best moments of your lives. It is about finding your best friend, a person who cannot live without, a life long companion. 

No marriage is perfect, but every marriage can be fulfilling in every possible way.

In order to achieve harmony and blissful joy we first have to understand the purpose of marriage (to be one with another) and the purpose of life (to be one with God). You don't believe me, read Genesis 2:23-24, and John 14:1-4. You see, by focusing on pleasing God, we will ultimately please each other and our selves. 

What does it mean "to be one with God"? Read John 17:20-21, Ephesians 13-14 & 2:10-13, Colossians 1:27, and Philipians 3:10-11. As you can see, it is really a lot more simple than people think. The answer is Jesus. In order to be one with God, we must accept that Jesus is God in the flesh, that he was punished and died for our sins, and that he rose from the grave proving that he can conquer anything, even the inevitability of death. To be one with God, we must take up our cross everyday and live with Jesus as our example, trying to be like him in every aspect of our daily lives.

Now you're probably wondering, what does it mean "to be one with each other"? This is where things get a little bit more complicated. Our society tells us that we should worry about making ourselves happy and then worry about others, but in order to become one with someone else we must die to our self. That means that all instead of thinking about what is best for you, you should constantly  and consistently be thinking about what is best for your spouse. Worry about their comfort, their troubles, and their well being. 

This can be a lot more complicated than it sounds, so to help guide us through the challenge of letting go of our autonomy, here are 5 things you need to know that are absolutely essential to achieving oneness with your spouse.

1. Spiritual Companionship.

• Pray together
• This is the most important thing a couple should do! By praying together not only do you grow closer to God as a team, you learn about one another. Listen to what your partner is praying about so that you can understand each others soul and inner most desires. 
• Read the bible together
• Not only is reading to each other incredibly romantic, it will help you both learn about Jesus and grow spiritually by applying what you learn to everyday situations.
• Talk about your thoughts and beliefs about God and His Kingdom, without judging each other, without laughing, and without getting angry about what the other has to say. 

2. Sexual Companionship

• Believe it or not, God actually wants us to be sexually fulfilled (Read Genesis 1:28) 
• That means you must have sex unselfishly and you must never deny sex to your spouse (Read 1 Corinthians 3-5) 
• Talk to each other and be honest about your sexual needs, then reach a compromise, but never assume that your sex life is "good enough". Make sure that BOTH of you are completely satisfied.
• Make out! Remember those times when you couldn't keep your hands off of each other and rekindle that passion! 

3. Emotional Companionship

• This might be difficult, but talk about what makes you happy, angry, and sad, and why. It is vital to know what makes your partner tick, so that you know which buttons to press, and which not to. 
• If you or your spouse finds this impossible it is probably because one of you has a hard heart. There is a conflict that was left unresolved and now you are left feeling hurt, angry, resentful, or bitter. If you continue on with that unresolved problem this is the cycle that you will eventually find yourself falling into: hurt ---> anger ---> resentment ---> bitterness ---> divorce. My advice if you are feeling any of these things is, talk to your spouse and find a way to deal with it and overcome it together!
• Make every single decision together!  Not matter how big, or how small, the more things you confront and deal with together the better.
• Laugh and cry together.
• Read 2 Corinthians 2:4. You should feel for each other the way that Paul feels for the Corinthians. He cries for them and rejoices with them I'm sure, but he passionately admits to them when he is feeling emotional. It should not embarass you because if you can't cry in front of your best friend then who can you really count on?

 4. Parental Companionship

• Be on the same page when it comes to your kids. How many you want, what kind of education they will receive, how you will discipline them, etc., and reach a compromise. It is best to have this conversation a few times before you get married just to be sure. 
• If you did not have this conversation before you got married and reach a point where you cannot agree on something, get a second objective opinion (a mediator) and talk about it until you find a solution. 
• Be 100 percent honest with each other about your expectations and desires for your children. 

5. Recreational Companionship

• Last but not least by far, HAVE FUN TOGETHER!
• Find a common hobby, watch TV together, read to each other; find something to do, anything just do it together! 
• Have a date night at least once a week
• Take little trips together ALONE. Even if it is just spending the night in a hotel room every six months, you will appreciate that special time with each other. 

The most important thing is to enjoy each other. Remember all the reason why you got married, write them down and look at them every day if you have to. But never forget that you married that person because at some point you thought to yourself "wow, I can't live without him/her". 

Mommy & Me Mondays!

There is now a whole new reason to look forward to Mondays!

If you have mommy & me pictures that you would not mind having featured, send them to me! 

I will post any and all Mommy & Me Monday pics =)

Welcome to the Grind

We don't need any more reasons to hit the snooze button in the morning.

 If this video doesn't convince you of the power that lies within you, I don't know what will!

WELCOME TO THE GRIND!

Saturday Night In: The Rugrats in Paris

I bet a lot of you remember the days when you had this movie on an orange VHS tape! I know I do!

For a very long time I was afraid that like most good old cartoons, this would be lost to the next generation, who would unfortunately miss out on a time when the shows that were meant for kids taught us valuable life lessons. 

All I can say now is, thank God for Netflix! We are finally starting to get some of those shows and movies back, and I am prepared to take FULL advantage of it! 

That being said, I give this movie 5 stars, and I highly recommend it to Kul Moms everywhere!!! 

Kids of all ages will love this fast paced adventure as they follow the babies through Reptarland in search of the perfect mommy, while you get to enjoy those jokes that flew right over your head when you were their age! 

The only warning I have is that the main conflict of this movie is a motherless child. 

Everyone has a different situation, and so those children who don't get to see mommy as much (or at all) may feel a little bit left out by the end of the movie. Also, there are some curious little ones out there who might ask you why Chucky is so sad (especially during that depressing airplane scene that always gives me the feels). Be prepared to explain that, and make sure they understand the emotions of grief and loneliness, then make sure they understand that it all gets resolved in the end. 

Overall, this is a fantastic movie to watch on a Saturday night in, that will please the inner kid in all of us!

4 Activities While Waiting With Baby

Sometimes the wait at the doctors office can seem endless, especially for little ones who have no sense of time. It can get difficult to find things to keep your toddler occupied in their stroller while you are in line at the bank or the supermarket. These are a few things that Nico and I like to do while we wait that might work for you! 

1. Little Hands, Little Feet - This is a game that Nico loves! When I say to him "little hands!" he places his hands in mine and I give them a squeeze and a wiggle. When I say to him, "little feet!" he brings up his feet and I gave them a squeeze and a tickle. This helps him learn sizes and it helps him to develop and identify his sense of touch.    

2. Where's Baby? - This game requires a small blanket. Flap the blanket up so that it falls on Baby's head and then pull it off quickly or slowly. Once the blanket is gone, give him a quick tickle! Even older kids will love the suspense of not knowing when exactly they will receive a visit from the tickle monster! 

3. Sing a Little Song! Do a Little Dance! - Kids love to sing, especially when the song involves movement. Remember the good old days; The Itsy Bitsy Spider, The Wheels on the Bus, Head and Shoulders, Apples and Bananas, and Bingo. Those are songs that Baby can move along to or that baby will love watching you dance to!
 
4. Make up a Story - If you are not the singing type, get a little creative and make up an exciting story about what is happening around you. Even the youngest of babies will quiet down and listen if he feels that mommy (or daddy) is talking directly to him. If your child is old enough, let them help by offering ideas and making up parts of the story too!

Cory Proves That You're Never Too Young

This little boy is incredible! At only 5 years old Cory Nieves started a company called Mr. Cory's Cookies and he has big plans!

As human beings, we like excuses. We use them all the time in every

situation. We have doctor's notes, and little white lies, and the

classic my dog ate my homework. People even have excuses for why

things are not going the way they want in life. They are too fat, too

ugly, too poor, too stupid, too untalented, etc. So many of us are

unhappy because we are hung up on the things we wish we could do and the reasons why we can not do them. 

Excuses.

The truth is, there is nothing stopping you. There are many limitations
that we set on ourselves based on the ideals of our society and culture.
For example, people tell you that you should have a business degree if
you want to have a business, but you can't afford to go to school, so
you keep your head down and lose yourself in a meaningless job instead
of finding a way to keep your dream alive.

There is always a way to do something, even if it is not the "traditional" way.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DOING IT YOUR WAY! 

Even if you think your plan will take a long time, or other people tell you that it is stupid, or impossible, let nothing hold you back!

Fun Fact

Did you  KNOW?!

Goldfish can see both infrared and ultraviolet light!

Don't tap the glass!

 

 Arm yourselves with knowledge, no matter how trivial.

World News Wednesday : Syria

It is important for the young people of our country to know what is happening in the world around us. Many of us are too focused on silly lighthearted news that does not have any impact on the overall culture of our society. Though that type of news can be nice to hear from time to time, I feel that we are all a part of the human race, after all, we should know what goes on where so that we learn how to help each other, and how to coexist. 

This week I wanted to bring some light to the on-going conflicts in Syria. I am not a very political person, I tend to lean more towards ethics and morality. To me, it is important that every human on the planet, especially the children, has what they need to make their life more enjoyable and more simple. Of course, we all know that any kind of war would make that impossible for some people in the countries involved. This week, air strikes have been launched in Syria, further destroying the lives of millions of displaced Syrians (Video: Official News Report on the Airstrikes ). People who have watched their homes bombed and burned to the ground, families that have been separated, kids who have been orphaned; they all continue to watch in horror wondering when their suffering will end.  

Video: The Aftermath of a Small Syrian Village

Food for Thought:

• If you could do ONE thing to change the life of a Syrian, or to change the pattern of violence that has swept across their nation, what would you do? 
• Put yourself in the shoes of a Syrian for just a few minutes today, try to imagine what our brothers and sisters are feeling just on the other side of Earth. 

Overcoming the Pain

(Picture of Pedro and me after getting baptized)

As I read over my last blog post, I realized that I skimmed over the general situation, but I never really explained how I managed to not be swallowed by the extreme discomfort that I have been feeling for the past several days. 

As many of you know, I am Christian. I attend church regularly and I enjoy volunteering as a Sunday School Teacher Helper every other month. I am only explaining this because my faith in Jesus Christ is what helped me to overcome that terrible situation. 

There were moments when there was nothing else that would get through mind. I would be in agony, wondering when it was going to be over and if the worst part was yet to come.

It all changed one day when I was laying on the couch. The window was open and a delightful breeze filled the apartment, and Nico was playing happily in front of me. The sky was its regular shade of impossible blue, and I remember thinking, "What a beautiful day to be in excruciating pain." In Puerto Rico, weather can vary. Some days can be sticky and hot, while others can be rainy and windy. But on occasion, there is a nearly perfect day. The wind blows just enough, the sun is hot burning too hot, and there is peace and calm in the air. 

Of all the days for me to get sick, it happened to be on a perfect day. As I continued to think about it, I realized that God was doing things and setting things up so that I could recover in the best way possible. In those moments of pain it was extremely difficult to see, but in a moment of clarity, I found that I had so much to be thankful for, and that God would not forsake me. He sent me an amazing husband who cared for me and Nico in every way that we needed and more. He sent me a great baby who was never difficult or mean spirited. 

Most importantly though, I was grateful that I would not have to feel that way forever. I did not know why I was experiencing a miscarriage, but I did know that eventually I would feel better. I was so grateful that the pain was not my everyday reality and I felt like I needed to let Him know that. After I thanked Him, I realized that if he had the power to create the Universe and the compassion to breathe ecosystems into existence, then He certainly loves me enough to help me when I cry out to Him. 

I began to declare in His name that I was healed and I began to thank Him over and over for my wellness. Nothing worked better in healing me than praising the name of Jesus.

Miscarriage & Me: A Long Week in Hell

Many young mothers go through this, but not enough of us can talk about it. I hope that sharing my experience will help someone feel like they are not alone.

I honestly thought something like this could not happen to me. It might sound cliché, but I figured that being young and healthy gave me a lower risk of miscarriage. The unfortunate truth is that one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage and it can happen to anyone.

When you see people go through it on television it's different, almost glamorized, when compared to the crushing reality of true pain. The actress might spend a few hours, or maybe the night in the bathroom, withering in pain, but in the next scene they have gone on to cope emotionally with lots of support from their loved ones. Because everyone has a different experience, this may have been the case for some women, but it was not the case for me.

I never suspected that I was pregnant in the first place. I had missed a period, but since I had recently stopped breastfeeding Nico, I dismissed it as a sign that my body was trying to get back to normal. It wasn't until a few days of morning sickness that it occurred to me to take a home test. Three tests later, we were sure that I was pregnant, again. I was having mini panic attacks; Nico was still in diapers, he did not know how to talk, Pedro was working a second job with his father, and we were trying to save money to move. My family was not ready for a second baby. For a while I remember thinking that I did not want to be pregnant. I know that this was not my fault in any way, and that I didn't do anything to deserve it, but now I understand the saying, be careful what you wish for.

When I started bleeding on Wednesday night, I was afraid that something might be wrong, but I was not feeling pain. Everyone told me that a miscarriage included intense cramps, so I assumed that it was a strange part of this pregnancy. On Thursday it seemed like the bleeding was getting worse, and I was still getting sick in the mornings so I decided to pack up Nico and walk to the local medical center, a short distance from our apartment. The doctor did an extremely uncomfortable pelvic exam and a pregnancy blood test that came back positive a few hours later. He told me that he was going to call an ambulance to have me transferred to a hospital that had an emergency room especially for pregnant women. 

In my mind, it was all so unnecessary. Pedro had to come home from work early to be with Nico at the hospital and I had to undergo a series of uncomfortable tests, all for what? I still was not in pain, all I wanted to know was if the baby was okay or not. The maternity emergency room was overflowing with women who looked much worse off than me. After waiting for almost six hours and not being seen by the on call gynecologist, I told the doctor and nurses that I was going home. They insisted that I come back immediately upon feeling more bleeding or pain which I promised I would.

That night, when we returned from the hospital, I began to feel it. 

At first it was mild, but soon it was strong enough to literally knock me off my feet. I felt like there was a parasite inside me trying to tear its way out by ripping me apart one organ at a time. I couldn't focus on anything else, I was drenched with sweat from head to toe, I thought I was going to die. Somehow I managed to fall in and out of sleep that night. The next morning was a little better, but not by much. I was hurting so badly that I could not stand up straight. I threw up several times; I was shaking from pain and fear. I spent Friday between the bathroom, and my bed and heating pad.

On Saturday, I was sitting in the shower, letting the water rush over me like a massage blanket of warmth, when the reality of my situation hit me. Pedro was doing a wonderful job holding down the title of Super Dad, but I felt completely useless. After having all this pride in my accomplishments as a KUL Mom, suddenly I couldn't go to work, I couldn't take care of Nico, I couldn't cook, or clean; the overpowering guilt was almost as bad as the stomach cramps. I cried for a long time, wondering why I was still feeling bad.

I finally started to pray. Not that I had not been doing so before, but recently, my prayers had become more like half-hearted cries of anguish than conversations with my creator. I decided to thank God for the good things in my life, and for the things that were happening that I could not understand. I thanked Him for the brief moments of relief that I would feel throughout the day, for Pedro (who was doing everything in his power to take care of me and everything else), for the people at church who were praying for me, and for my perfect little Nico. Needless to say, I made it through the rest of the day.

Later that night we went back to the emergency room where there were much less women. In fives hours, they had examined me, and confirmed that my uterus was empty and that I had likely expelled the fetus during a spell of painful bleeding.

A lot of people wrongfully assume that just because a mother is young, she would be happy if an unexpected pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. They think that she will be grateful, or relieved, but that was not my experience.

I felt no feelings of joy, or giddiness.

A lot of people wrongfully assume that every woman who goes through a miscarriage will be overcome with depression and guilt. They think that she will be convinced that it was her fault, or that she will never want to try for another baby again, but that was not my experience.

I felt no feelings of great sadness.

I felt humbled, and more than anything, I felt like God was in control.

There is not a certain way we are supposed to react to losing a baby. There is no book that explains what you are going to go through and what emotions you should be feeling. Many people might tell you that you "dodged a bullet" or that "that child will never get the chance to be alive."

I just want to be clear. No one is allowed to judge you for what is in your heart.

Father & Me Friday

Happy Father & Me Friday to all the Kul Dad's out there! 

In honor of FMF here a few of my favorite pictures of my favorite men! 

Welcome New Kul Mom: Emily Delvalle

Congratulations to Emily, who officially became a Kul Mom on Sep. 11, 2014, and to her boyfriend Zach! 

This is their little bundle of joy, Lily Raquel Johnson! She weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and she came to them with a full head of hair!  

They created such a beautiful baby girl! 

Welcome to the world Lily! 

And welcome to mommy hood, Emily!

6 Mommy Study Tips

The life of a Kul Mom can be hectic, and honestly, a little overwhelming. Between work, and college, and finding time for studying and homework can some times seem impossible. But I am here to tell you that it is! Here is what I do to keep my grades up and my stress levels down =)

1. Do Homework and Study During Nap Time
• Whether it be 20 minutes or two hours, those precious moments of silence when your little angel is sleeping are golden opportunities. The chores can wait, give your school work some attention. Start that essay, study for that test, complete those logic puzzles! It is much easier to concentrate, knowing that your baby is safe and not having little hands tugging at your legs. 
2. Set Up Interesting Activity Centers
• I set up exciting new play areas in a baby proofed space allowing Nico explore new things at close range. There is a percussion station with old pots and pans (Warning: this one can get pretty loud!), a block station, a laundry bin station (I put different textured items inside the basket and watch his reaction when he pulls them out), a hard book station, and a pillow station. You will be amazed at how much homework I have gotten through with this! 
3. Find a Good Seat
• Make sure that your are high enough so that your little one cannot touch your school supplies, but low enough to be approachable to your child. If you turn them away it might hurt their feelings by making it seem like you are too busy for them. When your baby comes to show you something, or maybe for a hug and a kiss, interact with them for at least ten minutes and then continue what your were doing. They will eventually lose interest too and resume playing. 
4. Do NOT Procrastinate 
• Time management is the absolute key to getting your work done on time! If you know that your baby only naps for hour a day, do not leave your assignment for the night before its due. The earlier you start they faster you finish, and then it is one less thing you have to worry about. 
5. Read Before Your Bedtime Too
• Get ready for a bed a little bit earlier than usual and use the extra time to catch up on your reading for class. Reading helps calm the mind before sleeping, and it is the perfect cure for insomnia 
6. Make Time For Yourself
• It is really important to find time to do what you love. This will help you to feel more relaxed and at ease, so that when it comes time for studying, you will be able to focus on the task at hand. Everyday, make sure that you carve out time in your day to do what you enjoy, and to take care of yourself. Do your nails, do your hair, watch your favorite show. We deserve it! 

So many mothers are going back to school! 

Congratulations to everyone who has made the decision to further their education! 

4 Tips for a Mommy "Sick Day"

So, you are feeling a little under the weather? Any normal person would  take a sick day and hide under the covers with a bottle of NyQuil, but you are not a normal person, you are a mom. And maybe, not just any mom, a KUL mom. KUL Moms do not get sick days, we do not take breaks. 

Fortunately, some of us have figured out some tricks and short cuts to get us through those tough sick days for those of you with little ones who can crawl or walk. 

Here is what I do with Nico to stay sane calm, and somewhat rested. 

1. Close off a large space in the living room using the couch as one of the barriers for baby to play in.
• This way I can lay on the couch and keep a very close eye on him. If you have a baby gate you could use that, if not improvise. We have found that a baby bouncer on it's side provides an exciting new activity center. Plus he can only touch the safe clean toys that I have provided for him. And I give him A LOT of toys, the more to keep him occupied the better. Have classical music in the back round to keep you both relaxed.
2. Have exciting and vibrant movies that you will both enjoy. 
• I don't like to let Nico watch television but when I get sick I have to make an exception.  It is okay to not do everything perfectly during these days. The more you rest the faster you will be able to get up and do educational things with your little one.That being said, I have found that colorful, exciting, and musical movies keep my little one's attention the best. We recommend the following, just to give you some ideas: 
• Turbo 
• Rio
• Frozen
• Tangled 
• The Princess and The Frog
• Aladdin
3. Make sure that you are fully stocked on everything that you need to get well.
• Stalk the cupboards with things you can make quickly, like Ramen Noodles or soup in a can or cup. Have the fridge full of vitamin C rich juice in pouches so that you can grab them and return to your little own. 
• Set up a waste basket just outside the "play pen" for tissues and any other trash. 
• Have any medicine that you need conveniently available 
• Lastly, but most importantly, keep all of your things out of reach of baby
4. WASH YOUR HANDS! 
• Washing your hands frequently in combination with those other things will help you to get on your feet and back to your regular routine in no time!

• 

Mommy & Me Mondays!

In honor of mommy and me Mondays, here are some of my favorite pictures of me and my little Gummy Bear!

COMING SOON**Father & Me Fridays ;)**

Sunday School

One of the things that I LOVE to do is volunteer as a helper for the Sunday School teachers at my church. Every other month I get assigned to a class full of energetic kids and I get to teach them about how wonderful God is! This month I get to be with the adorable 4 year olds. 

Today we learned that God created the earth, so in class our craft was to create clothespin caterpillars! 

Of course they did not turn out exactly like the picture, but the kids had a great time! 

Next we learned that we had to use self control. The teacher put a very pretty box on the table and told the kids they could not touch it until the end of class. Then when they got to open it, it was full of cookies!

Published Book, Liars Like Me

Yesterday I published my first book, Liars Like Me, via Amazon KDP. 

This proves that you can literally do ANYTHING you set your mind to no matter who you are. 

It is a fictional young adults novel about a girl who move across the country in order to protect her secrets from her friends and family. But when she receive a message from someone who is threatening to expose her she must go back to face her past. Soon she is left with only two options; tell the truth or dive deeper in to an intricate web of lies. Get Liars Like Me Here!!!

Married at 18

My husband Pedro and I met in the last semester of our senior year of high school in 2011, in Puerto Rico, in a crowded classroom that I was afraid to walk in to. He invited me to hang out with him and his friends the day we met, and some how I ended up giving him my phone number. He called me that night and we ended up talking for hours. Next thing you know, we are going to prom together. 

He is my best friend. Though he drives me absolutely crazy sometimes, I could not imagine life with out him. I have spent some of the best days of my life so far with him. 

He loves me at my best, and at my worst.

 We spent 3 months in a long distance when he moved in with his friend back in his home town in West Virginia. When I went to visit my best friend in Raleigh, NC, he drove 8 hours to spend 2 days camping with my friends and me. 

When he got back, we were a little too happy to see each other, we ended up making Nico. But he was excited because it meant that we could get married much sooner than I had planned. We went to florida, got married by a Rabbi staying at our hotel, and spent the rest of the week in Disney World. 

We are not rich but we are happy. He is a full time dish washer at Denny's who plans on becoming a professional Rally racer, I fully support his dream. I am a part time bagger, full time student, who plans on writing and producing books and movies, he fully supports my dream. That is what is important. 

Nico Isaac Aleman

This is my son Nico Isaac the day he was born, 6 lb. 15 ounces. 

His first name Nico is Greek meaning "victorious people". His middle name Isaac is hebrew meaning "laughter". The full meaning of his name is intended to be "the laughter of victorious people" 

Halloween 2013, Nico was our baby Superman! 

Nico to the rescue!! 

He is always the life of the party and he is always ready to take a picture! 

He might be a future model as I have never met a kid more photogenic than this one!

Recently, upon meeting a new doctor my little ball of energy was described as accident prone because he would not stop touching and exploring everything as he walked around the office. 

He is 13 months old.